


Look In The Mirror

by ShamelessRavenclaw



Category: NCT, NCT (Band)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorder, M/M, Possibly Triggering, Should I make this an ongoing story or leave a one shot?, chenle comforting Jisung, don't worry it’s not a bad ending, rated teen and up for eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22583788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamelessRavenclaw/pseuds/ShamelessRavenclaw
Summary: Chenle didn’t notice at first, but he gets a rude awakening and suddenly has to navigate something completely new.
Relationships: Park Jisung & Zhong Chenle, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Look In The Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments/kudos. I wanted to see how well this story does. If it gets good feedback I’d like to continue it instead of it being only a one shot.

Chenle didn’t notice at first. The way Jisung would push his food around his plate rather than actually eating it, or staying in his room claiming exhaustion promising to eat later while everyone else had dinner together at the dorm. The sunken cheeks and dark eye bags came on so slowly if you weren’t looking it would ghost right by you. Jisung no longer jokingly sat in the hyung’s laps or got into tickle fights. He became hollow, tame, subdued. 

Chenle’s rude awakening came one night, the group had gone out to dinner a short while earlier to celebrate a successful comeback, the rest of the hyung’s fell asleep on the couch watching a movie, stomachs full and content. Chenle had dozed off with them but woke up from needing to use the restroom. He lazily got up and made his way to the bathroom surprised to hear the water running and… gagging coming from behind the door. Whipping back around to the living room Chenle looked to see who was missing. Jeno and Jaemin were snuggled on either side of Renjun while Hyuck was curled up on a bean bag below them, Jisung was missing. 

Going back to the bathroom he knocked on the door “Jisung?” not hearing a response he cracked upon the door and what he saw sent shivers down his spine. With tear stained cheeks Jisung sat in front of the toilet bowl with his fingers coming out of his mouth. He threw up barely anything, probably had emptied out his stomach by now because no one knows how long he had been there. The door shutting behind him is what got Jisung’s attention. With a surprised gasp Jisung looked terrified, he tried shooting up to his feet but overestimated his strength, his knees giving way. Chenle reached to grab Jisung before he hit the floor, pulling them both down to a sitting position. He started sobbing, loud gut wrenching cries into Chenle’s chest, it hurt him so much to see Jisung in this much pain. “I’m so sorry lele I didn’t mean for you to walk in on me please don’t tell anyone” Jisung choked out in between cries. “Shh Mochi it’s okay just breathe with me for right now” Minutes passed that felt like hours of Jisung crying into Chenle finally calming down enough. “You here with me Mochi?” He nodded. “I’m gonna get you some water can you stay here for me?” Another nod. 

Chenle got up on shaky legs and walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door and leaning against it. He took a deep breath and walked towards the kitchen, in order to get there, he had to walk by the living room to which he was met with all four hyung’s sitting on the couch looking paralyzed with shock. He knew he needed to tell them something to calm their nerves.  
“What the hell is going on Chenle?” Hyuck asked in a whisper-yell. “Why was our baby crying like that did you guys get into a fight?” Inquired Jaemin hyung. Taking another deep breath Chenle tried to explain “I can’t say much because I don’t think it’s my place but I am pretty sure Jisungs been starving himself, or throwing up, or something like that-” He was interrupted by gasps from everyone. “I went to the bathroom to pee and I found him in there with his finger down his throat throwing up. I told him I would be back with water I can’t sit here and chat” 

Leaving the rest of the group stunned he went to grab some water and made his way back to his group member, his best friend, the love of his life and he hated himself for not noticing sooner. He should have been there to help, to hold him when he felt sad, kiss him and tell him that he is beautiful. Walking into the bathroom he realized he had started crying himself prompting Jisung to look down, ashamed. “Don’t cry lele, i'm not worth the tears.” He said it so quietly Chenle barely heard him. He sat down behind Jisung wrapping his arms around him and bringing him in between his legs so that Jisung’s back was against his chest. “Never say such a thing sungie, you are worth so much more than you realize.” Jisung drank the glass of water in one big gulp setting it down on the porcelain floor. “I know you want me to explain, tell you why I’ve been doing this, but I don’t know if I can yet, it hurts.” Chenle nodded in understanding, he had to let Jisung do this on his own. “Do you want to come and lay down on my bed with me? I don’t think Renjun hyung would bother us yeah?” Jisung was silent for a moment, thinking about the offer. “Yes please” Chenle gave a small smile, this was good, he wasn’t shutting him out. 

They both stood up and Jisung opened the bathroom door but before he could go any farther Chenle picked him up bridal style. Jisung gasped from surprise but didn’t resist, letting himself be carried. It was awkward, not that Chenle wasn’t strong enough to hold Jisung but his legs were so long so he wasn’t the easiest to carry in comparison to Chenle’s shorter frame. Jisung laid his head on Chenle’s shoulder breathing in his comforting scent. Eventually they made it to Chenle’s room and he carefully sat Jisung on the bed. “Take off your jeans, I’m gonna go grab some of your sweats I know mine won’t fit you.” Just as fast as he came in he was gone again off to Jisungs room in search of pajamas. When he got there he knew exactly which drawer to go to, having spent a lot of time in Jisung’s room for movie nights and midday naps. Thinking about it, he realized they hadn’t had one of those for quite awhile. Before leaving with pajamas and a stuffed mouse Chenle had bought Jisung a while ago just for laughs, he grabbed his phone shooting a quick text to Renjun. Jisung is sleeping with me so share with jaemin hyung or jeno hyung tonight, ‘He is in good hands will talk tomorrow. You know he loves you guys but I think just having me will be less overwhelming.’ Knowing that Renjun would tell the others he can now focus solely on his sungie.

Once back in the room he gave Jisung the clothes and turned around to get his own. By the time Chenle had finished getting ready for the night he noticed Jisung already in his bed under a mountain of covers. He couldn’t help but smile. “Scoot over you beanstock I’m coming in.” Jisung slid over making room for him. It was still a rather small bed so they had to lay on their sides facing each other. “Can I touch you?” Chenle asked, wanting permission as to avoid upsetting Jisung any further. He nodded in approval. Slightly hesitating he reached his fingers out towards Jisungs sides, running his fingers up in down in a comforting manner focusing on the sound of their breathing. A small night light on the wall near the bed is the only thing allowing Chenle to make out Jisung’s soft features. “I don’t really remember how it started” Jisung began speaking with his eyes closed, not ready to look Chenle in the eye. 

“I was having a hard day in the practice studio, I tried to practice dancing since that’s always made me feel better about myself but I kept messing up. All I saw in that mirror was everything I found ugly about myself and I wanted to punish myself for not being good enough so I skipped out on dinner. I didn’t even feel that hungry so I passed on breakfast the next day. I worked harder to push myself, thinking that food could be a motivation but once I tried to eat lunch it made me feel sick to look at. I just didn’t feel like I deserved it. Before I knew it I got addicted to that empty feeling, I don’t think I deserve to feel full or content. I know it might sound dumb to you so please don’t hate me.” Jisung was out of breath from speaking so quickly, the most he’s talked all night. 

Chenle found himself torn by many different emotions, but he reminded himself to stay calm, for Jisung. “I’m so sorry sungie, I should have noticed sooner.” Snuggling his head into the crook of Jisung’s neck, trying to show his emotions without so many words. “Don’t blame yourself lele, I hid it from you guys on purpose. I’m really scared and I won’t get better overnight but I’d really appreciate your support.” Jisung pulled away from Chenle to look at his face. He had his eyes closed, cheeks damp from tears. He took his hand softly swiping at the damp skin underneath his eyes. Chenle’s eyes fluttered open, staring right back at Jisung, it felt like they were the only people in the world. Swallowing his anxiety Jisung without anything left to lose he leaned forward and left a scratchy dry kiss on Chenle’s temple. “Thank you for being my best friend lele, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave Kudos if you liked it! Also let me know if I should continue this or leave as is.


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